It was as if a knife was being stabbed into my chest. Each word she spoke causing the knife to dig in deeper and deeper, and the blood to pour from the wound. My teeth clenched together, my jaw aching from the force.
“It’s for the best, Royal. You can’t control yourself, and you need a male influence in your life. Someone that can clear your head and make you see things for what they really are.” I was distraught. How the hell could she believe seeing the man that made me this way and the pathetic ass family he left us for, would make my life easier or better in any way.
If anything it would make things worse. It would make me darker and more volatile than I currently was. I had control now, but seeing him and his perfect little family would take that control and throw it straight out the fucking window.
“The one person I thought would never betray me has. You don’t know what I need, or what’s good for me.” A sinister laugh left my throat. It hurt me to breathe, to speak.
Control yourself, Royal. Don’t hurt her. It’s not her fault.
I spoke the words to myself as I forced myself into her space. It was my mother before me, the very woman who had given birth to me and taken care of me every single day of my life. I knew that. I could feel it in my heart, but when I looked at her, really looked at her all I saw was someone who wanted to get rid of me. Get rid of the problem.
“Sending me away is only going to make things worse. I’ll hurt more people. I’ll be more destructive. I’ll hurt him and his family. You’ll regret sending me to live with them every single day that I’m gone, and he will regret letting me into his home.” I didn’t recognize my own voice; there was too much venom in my words. Too much anger and pain.
Her blue eyes widened and flickered with fear. She should be afraid of the things I could and I would most definitely do if she pressed the issue any longer. But that flicker of fear was gone in a blink of her eyes, and in it’s place was something that broke me. I could tell you the moment things pieced together in her mind. The very second I had lost the battle.
There was a determination that she had never shown me before in her eyes, in her stance, in her. Everything about her seemed different.
“You’re going, Royal! You can threaten anyone and everyone else on this damn planet, but you cannot threaten me. I refuse to be bullied by anyone and most certainly by my own son.” She pointed her finger into my chest. I could feel the point of her nail digging into my chest.
“Even more, I don’t care if you don’t like it. Hell, I don’t even care if you hate me anymore, nor do I care what you have to say on the matter. None of it matters because you’re my child and I am your mother, and what I say goes. Therefore, you’re leaving and going to your father’s no matter what you have to say about it.” There was so much hurt in her words and it only proved my point further. It told me I was the reason for her pain, and that just added to the shit storm.
Mother or not, I didn’t have to listen to her, and there was no way I was fucking going. The previous rage I was feeling shattered, escaping through me as I lifted my fist without warning.
How fucking sad it was that I felt nothing. No pain, no fear, just pure rage. My fist slammed into the dry wall next to her head, pain radiating up my arm and throughout my body. That pain was my drug, my high, the only thing that would bring me the release I desperately needed. It calmed me just enough to remind me of the destruction I could cause. I stared her down, willing her to say something. I wanted her to. I wanted to hurt someone, with my fists or my words. Whichever came first, it didn’t matter. I pulled my fist from the drywall only to hit it again. I had a point to prove.