She stared back at him and decided, once and for all, she was going to be brave tonight. “Nothing.” That resolution lasted only until they were standing at the foot of his bed. One look at the curved poles and black satin sheets and she was backing away. “Uh, maybe we should talk about this first.”
“What is there to talk about? It’s sex, not exactly rocket science.”
Right. “Yes but it’s a somewhat different situation here. I mean, I work for you. I’ve known you a while now and—”
“Don’t worry, baby, I’ll make sure you’re ready.”
Her eyes widened at his words. “I’m not worried about that. I’m sure you’re a great lover and all, but what about we lay down some rules first.”
“Rules? Like what?”
“I don’t know, a safe word or something.”
“I’m not that bad. I’m sure I can make you enjoy it even if there are no emotions or whatever involved.”
He appeared so upset by her suggestion that she very nearly gave up. “Sure but…can I ask something?”
“Could we leave the lights off?”
He looked at her as if she’d grown another head. “Whatever for?”
“Because well, it’ll be easier for you. And me too.”
She thought it was pretty clear. “You can imagine it’s someone else.”
“Why would I do that?” He seemed nonplussed by her answer. “Do you want to imagine somebody else? Aren’t you attracted to me? Why didn’t you say something sooner?”
“No! No, it’s not that. It’s just I thought it’d be, you know, easier. I mean, in the long run.”
“Uh?” He stared at her for another second then shrugging, walked to the nearest wall and turned the lights off. The door was still open though and the light from the corridor was enough for him to navigate his way back to her. “Better?”
She licked her lips. “Yes, thanks.”
“You’re welcome, I guess.” He seemed to wonder what to do next. His hands dropped on her waist, clenching all of a sudden.
She winced. He really was stronger than he looked. “James?”
“Sorry, sorry. It’s just I really need a cigarette. Really need it.”
“Think of something else!”
“I’m trying!” he growled back.
She looked at him and even through the semi-darkness, could see he was gone. The far-away look in his eyes was a dead giveaway. “J? James? Stay with me!” He ignored her pleas, too far gone in his own mind. “Oh fuck.” She remembered that look too well. The last time she’d seen it, he’d fallen hard and had spent a week in a complete bender. He’d gone to every bar in the vicinity, drinking himself to oblivion. And all because of one woman. “James?” Damn it! She couldn’t think of what else to do but to lean forward. She pressed her lips on his and waited.
His goatee scratched her skin a bit but she didn’t move away. No, instead she wrapped her arms around him and pressed herself closer to his rigid body.
She didn’t know how long she stayed like this, her mouth on his, her body tight against his. But she was seriously considering pulling away to call his doctor when he snapped out of it.