“Well are you going to let us in or are we going to have to stand here all day... because honestly I don’t mind… NOT.” Corey says annoyed. I take it back he definitely hasn’t changed, still an asshole. I meet his eyes, and second guess letting him in the house. Instead I take a step back holding the door open and gesture for them to come in. Really that’s the last thing I wanted.
The second the door closes, I hear Mimi’s voice echoing down the hall. “Who the fuck is responsible for letting me drink that much last night?” Her voice sounds hoarse, and she looks as if she got hit by a truck, drug through a mud pit, and then was left to fend for herself out in the wild for days. Okay, not really but her hair did look as if a family of raccoons had made a nest in it.
“That would be you.” I say in a smartass kind of way. I love Mimi, but she asks some of the dumbest questions ever. She shoots daggers at me from across the room.
The boys stand around the kitchen and living room area awkwardly. Rex looks at me and for the first time since he walked in our eyes meet head on.
“Can I um... talk to you?” He asks scratching at the back of his head like all guys do when they aren’t sure how to say something. Suddenly all the attention in the room is put on us and I don’t like it, not one bit. My stomach churns the contents of last night’s activities still floating inside of it.
I look at Rex, and I mean really look at him. He hasn’t changed much, his skin is a little tanner, he’s a little taller, he still wears his diamond earring in his ear, and his hair is still a massive dismantled mess. His eyes, they draw me in like a beacon. The storm, cloud blue reminds me so much of the sorrows of our past. How when it rains it pours.
“Well…” Rex drawls out a hint of annoyance taking place. I scowl at him. How dare he come in my house and act this way, granted I shouldn't have been staring at him but still.
“Yeah, follow me.” I lead us down the hall to my room. I hesitate only for a moment, but then stop myself from letting a thought enter my mind. We’re both adults here, and we can sit in this room and talk without it being weird or something.
“What’s so important that we couldn’t talk about it in front of everyone else?” I say calmly, but feel anything but that. I feel like bursting at the seams, screaming my feelings out to him.
“I want to try… I want to… I don’t know if we'll ever be what we use to be, and even though I’m not really okay with that, because every part me is pulling me to you... I would rather have that than not have any part of you. So what I’m saying is if we can’t be us again, then maybe we can friends.”
His feelings are completely on display, and I wonder if for the past nine months I had been overlooking everything. I wonder if he was being this way the whole time... and I just didn’t care.
“Remember what happened last time we tried being just friends Rex. I cared about you in a way that I never cared for anyone. You knew my pains, my flaws. You knew everything, and when I let you in and took that step forward, you left me standing there. The betrayal of what you have done to me makes me second guess every choice I make. At the end of the day all I ever wanted was you and it may have been true that you wanted me, but not enough to tell me the truth. You told me you would protect me, and you didn’t. In reality you should’ve been protecting me from yourself because, ultimately nothing else broke me as much as losing you.” I gasp, biting my lip at the reality that I just poured my heart out to him yet again falls on me.
His face is filled with sorrow, and remorse. He looks genuinely sorry but that’s not enough. Not enough for me to put myself in harm’s way again. When you break something you can try to glue the pieces back together, but they will never be the same. It’s not the same as it previously was when it was whole, and when it comes to Rex, I will never be whole again.