Edwina's eyes clouded over again. On top of everything, she felt unwanted; he had not even thought it necessary to offer an apology. He had not even deemed her worthy of a post-rape glance; he had merely used and discarded her. Sobbing, she ran from the room towards the security of hers. As soon as she was inside, she flung herself onto her bed and hugged her teddy, a childhood friend who had been her other constant companion. Abruptly, conscious of its light-hearted gaze, she flung it away; for she feared it might rape her too…
Her father was undergoing some serious damnation. Now that most of the alcohol had worn off, the enormity of what he had done hit him like a slug to the face. How could he face her again, he thought, after how he had brutally abused her trust. He knew that what he felt was barely an ounce of what she must be suffering.
With rubbery legs, he made his way towards his daughter's bedroom. Her door was open, and he almost turned away when he heard her sob. He had caused those sobs, an unforgiving conscience told him, and he would pay for them. Nicholas knew he would, but now was not the moment to break down.
Tentatively, he stepped into the room, half-expecting to be blown away by a shotgun. He was, however, totally unprepared for what faced him. Edwina lay spread-eagled on the bed, her red eyes testament of her sorrow. Upon seeing him, her face contorted with a mixture of anger and fear, and she quickly turned her face away. Silently, she flopped on to her back, spreading her legs again, as if mockingly inviting him to fuck her. Of all the things she could have done, this gesture alone wounded Nicholas more than anything else.
He just wanted to run away, away from her and her beautiful face, away from the wretched house, and throw himself upon the first vehicle that he came across. Not trusting himself to look at her again, he hurried out of the room. Edwina watched him leave, and she whispered, “Come back, take me again?”
Louder: “Come back here and rape some more!”
Nicholas thought he hadn't heard correctly. For a horrifying moment, Nicholas doubted if he had caused her to go mad.
Edwina seemed to read his mind perfectly. “No, Daddy, I am not stark raving mad! Am I really too precious for you to lose? Or has that now ended, now that I am a slut who fucks her daddy?”
Even though he had no idea what this was leading up to, Nicholas corrected her. “You still are. You will always be.”
“So don't lose me,” she said.
She smiled. Nicholas had convinced himself he would never see her smile again; it made him so happy to see his little girl smile. Her teeth radiated something wonderful that seemed to fill the void that he had been feeling.
“Keep me with you always. As your daughter. As your lover.”
“But I raped you…”
“You thought you raped me. What if I wasplay-acting? What if I wanted you as badly as you wanted me? Even more?”
He stammered, “You did?”
“No. But if it makes you feel any better, I am going to make sure you spend the rest of your life atoning for them. By my side. As my lover. Agreed?”
Nicholas could only nod.
She said, calmly and seriously, “I know rape isn't the same as making love, but I also know that you love me so much that you are willing to kill yourself.”
“Live,” she said, “and rape me all you want, and I will like it, and we will call it how you show me your love.”